Dieing alone

Last night I was worring (as usual) about myself. I am living a very hard shit. It is painful passing each day like this. I never could have done anything. I tried my utmost best, but ny misfortune didnt change. I am very alone and sad. Every day I feel this pain in my heart and suffer. It is difficult. I dont know anyone around me who has such a cruel life, or whatever u can call it. Because, I am not given any life, it is hell. It is painful and I suffer each sec.

I am scared!! I wrote a letter to myself when I will be 63. I wrote the letter to help my old self then. She will be alone, old and sad. She wont have anyonne, no family, nothing. She will be on her way to die alone, after suffering so many years of pain. It will be hell for her.

I am scared. I just am very scared.

Broken dreams

How many people are there who suffer broken dreams? How many are there who had a lot of dreams about their lives but god’s plan was exactly opposite?
I always wanted to live a life like all the lucky people I have seen. I wanted to get married while doing my graduation. I wanted to have a healthy family then, and I believed god will accept my prayers!! What I didn’t know that god was laughing at me when I prayed, he had already planned an empty life for me, way before I was born.
Now that I am living this hollow life, I feel the burden of all my broken dreams on my heart. Now that I am doing exactly what I used to fear and hate, I know god is not kind, at least not to all.
There are only few people like me who suffer god’s cruelty. Most people have their dreams come true and can be great full to god. But people like me are much fewer in number. We are put among all these lucky people so we are always reminded of how unhappy we are.

All grown up

I am coming near the completion of my BBA, its the final semester of my 3rd year. The last 3 years it was a roller coaster ride, I cant beleive Allah got me this far. It was a breath taking experience of having cat and mouse relationship with a mate and on the next moment having that mate as a best friend.

But it feels really bad now that I am an adult who is at the end of the university years. I dont like living this adult life, it is soo much boring and sedentary. I used to hear people tell how they miss their childhood and now I am the one who is saying it. School was and will be the best years of my whole boring life!!!

single and sick of it

I now realize how painful staying single is. Every time i see a couple it hurts like hell. Since childhood i always dreamt of my prince charming but now i realize Allah never created anyone for me, no one who would be my husband , no child to call me mother. While everyone around me are finding true love and getting married , i am only bearing a pain so terrible that my heart, mind and soul scream out in pain. I didnt know that allah will have me experience the pain of having dreams broken and having to live this whole life alone. I wish i could talk with people who are suffering like me and whose hearts are bearing the same pain as mine. If anyone who is alone and dreads having to live all life alone then please, i will want to meet u.